Set loves lettuce 

My first devotional artwork inspired by the Egyptian god Set.

The hieroglyphs say “it is great the phallus of Set” I used the book of the dead translation by E.A. Wallis Budge

I was going to write out my own version of “the lettuce thing”…but the link below to the Tumblr post that inspired me to create this piece is so well written I had to share… because if you have not figured it out yet, I am a terrible writer. So by the magic of copy and paste here is “the lettuce thing”  you will never be the same again. Link at the end is of the original post.



Alright, so. Get ready for weirdness, because Egyptian mythology has a lot of that.

One of the most prominent and foundational myths of ancient Egypt is how the god Osiris was killed and dismembered by his brother Set (in some accounts, after an affair with Set’s sister-wife, Nepthys, who then gave birth to Anubis), put back together by his sister-wife Isis, then made the god of the afterlife. When she was piecing her husband back together, she found all but one of the fourteen chunks of him that had been scattered across Egypt by an enraged Set. That chunk would be his penis. But never fear, for Isis is the goddess of fertility, so she made her husband a new one out of wood (thus explaining why embalmers would make false ones for the actual dead). So completed, she rode him and became impregnated with a son, Horus (the Falcon, not to be confused with Horus the Elder, the Hawk, who was these four’s presumably-long-suffering brother). Osiris then went off to be ruler of the dead somewhere in the vicinity of the stars we call Orion, leaving the question of who was to rule the land of the living – his elder brother and semi-justified murderer Set, or his legitimate yet posthumous  son Horus?

This brings us to The Contendings of Horus and Set, which is ostensibly an epic battle of order vs chaos, but mostly involves a lot of letter-writing and whinging back and forth between the gods because some liked Horus (who was the last king’s son and generally a guy who liked order and not usually killer [except that one time when Isis got too involved and actually wounded Set herself which Horus was not about for some reason and so decapitated her] ) and some liked Set (who was powerful and experienced and had good relations with foreign powers [being that he was the god in charge of them] and had proven himself to be a great protector to Ra against Actual Evil God Apophis and his night demons and whatnot). There were a lot of pointless squabbles between the two involving weird god things like who could hippopotamus better or build ships out of stone (spoiler alert: Set actually built his ship from the top of a goddamn mountain and managed to make it float long enough to get halfway down the river, Horus just made his from pine when no one was looking and just plastered the thing to look like stone. Who was the better dude in that one? You decide.). One time Horus got his eye ripped out and Set lost his testicles – an incident which involved what is probably the oldest recorded pick-up line in history: “How lovely your backside is. How broad your thighs.“ Smooth, uncle Set. Smooth.

Anyway, after eighty years of this the supreme god version of Ra got tired of their shenanigans and told them to lay off for at least one night, for all of their sakes. Set looks at Horus and goes, “Yeah let’s do this thing. Party, my house, tonight.” Horus looks at Set and thinks, “Seems legit.”

So they go party at Set’s house. Just them and the servants and lots of honey and beer and the single bed made up all nice just for them. Halfway through the night, Set rolls over and puts his dick between Horus’ thighs. (Er, depending on the time period you’re reading the myth from, this act is either consensual or not. It mostly depends on how vilified Set is by whichever cult’s in power at the time. In any case, Horus is awake and unrestrained for this.) Horus catches the semen in his hands, and when he gets home in the morning shows his mother. Who promptly freaks out, cuts his hands off to toss into the Nile, fashions him new hands of clay, and then jacks her son off into a pot.

I could not make this up.

This is where The Lettuce Thing comes in. The lettuce species that the ancient Egyptians had was a long, hard stalk that secreted a white, milky substance when cracked and squeezed. So you can see where they would get the idea that it was a phallic aphrodisiac. Well, it so happens that when Isis went to Set’s house, she found out from his gardener that Set loved eating lettuce every day. You know where this is going. Now, I’d like to point out that she didn’t just randomly overhear this and got a wicked idea. No. No, she went and asked outright what Set’s favourite food was, because she was gonna give Set a taste of his own (or well, her son’s) medicine no matter what.

Fast forward to the next court session, and Set – being the asshole that we know and love – decides to announce to the room at large that he should get the throne, because he totally tops. Well, being that ancient Egypt was a highly patriarchal society it – like most ancient cultures – looked down on the receivers in male-male relationships. But while everyone’s boo-hissing at Horus, he just calmly requests a Magical Pregnancy Test for both his and Set’s semen. They do it, and Set’s shows up somewhere in the river (wherever Horus’ old hands are), which perplexes Set and somehow doesn’t phase anyone else. Then they test Set, and lo and behold Horus’ seed reacts from within him!

In very old versions of the myth, this is where the god Thoth is born from Set’s forehead. In others, it’s Thoth performing the test and so the semen emerges in the form of golden disc, which Thoth promptly takes and puts on his own head as a crown. *shrug* Egyptian mythology is a weird case where a jillion different cults formed, then came together, then fought/reformed/vilified/reconciled/destroyed/assimilated one another over millennia, so the origins and motives are a bit wonky. Thoth is one of those deities that had been worshiped before writing was even a thing [although writing became his Thing], and so has many conflicting origin stories – mostly he just seems to appear at some point due to the power of his own voice. I like to think that, since he is also a master of Time, that Thoth may have actually created Himself in that instance, but his presence got spread out through time – back far enough into the beginning that he could trick the moon into giving up five extra non-month days each year, so that Nut could birth his parent-grandparents without repercussion.

But I’m getting ahead (behind?) myself. The point is, now all the gods think their Powerful Guy Set is a big fat bottom, which ~a king shouldn’t be~ and Set is all butthurt about his trick backfiring on him. He sulks off to the river, where he issues the stone boat challenge mentioned earlier but then his boat sinks and he rips up part of Horus’ and realizes that it’s just disguised wood, and it looks like the shenanigans will continue until someone gets the bright idea to just fucking write to the dead king about what his wishes were (apparently it’s Thoth who suggests this, which is why I buy the myth that this is when he was born, since why did no one else – even Isis who resurrected the guy – think of that? Finally, a god of Sense!). Osiris sends them a letter back to the effect of “What the fuck do you think my wishes are. If my son isn’t instated, my next gift basket will be an army of zombies, I swear to myself.”

The council is convinced.

Set’s put in chains and brought before them by a gloating Isis, but he cedes with as much grace as he has left. In most versions of the myth, he’s set free and reinstated as Ra’s bodyguard to thunder away happily in the desert, and in a few later ones (basically after Lower Egypt takes over Upper Egypt) he’s punished somehow, like being taken to the north and bound there by his other wife (in something rather similar to Loki’s fate with Sigyn). In some, he and Horus reconcile and even bless pharaohs together, tying their lotus and reed together around the living king as a symbol of unity and strength between Upper and Lower Egypt.

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Have a blessed winter solstice/yule! MJ


Book Review of “Initiation” by Elisabeth Haich


I just finished reading “Initiation” by Elisabeth Haich and it is a wonderful book! Elisabeth retells her past life memories of being initiated into an ancient Egyptian mystery school, while at the same time revealing through out the book profound Occult knowledge.

Over all I loved this book. My only complaint would be the lack of information. And by lack of information I mean that she is not telling the whole story. In the primary past life she revisits through out the story, she is the daughter and wife of pharaoh while working towards Initiation in to the priesthood. That being said I believe that her experiences are true…but I am not buying the whole story. I think she intentionally omitted parts of the story to perhaps protect herself or the reader. She never says aliens are not real…she never says anything about them…but she does emphasize herself, her father, and others of the royal family… the “ruling race’ as the “the Sons of God”. She describes them as thin, big headed, and consciously evolved. And predicted Egypt’s eventual decline and fall from grace at the hands of the greedy “Sons of Men.” SO it could be said that there are subtle references to the possibility of an ancient alien interaction…or that I’m just reading way too far into it because I am extremely biased and love aliens and think they are every where. It is also possible she left out the dirty details of Ancient Egyptian life/culture/experience as to not to distract from the Occult knowledge that is being passed on in this book. To me it is better than the story itself…and there is a good chance that is exactly they way Elisabeth Hiach intended it to be. For she readily admits in the beginning of the book that she did not really want to write it but was pressured by her students. I personally am so glad she did! I got sooo much out of this book. And I wont spoil it, but the ending is so good that I was unsure if I was not also in the pyramids being initiated….here are some of my favorites bits of wisdom from the book I had to share…

“Initiation means becoming conscious. You are now conscious to a degree corresponding to the resistance of your nerves and body. When a person becomes conscious to a higher spiritual degree, he automatically guides higher, stronger, more penetrating powers into his body. For this reason , he must also raise the levels of resistance of his nerves and body. To achieve the supreme, divinely creative degree of consciousness, while at the same time increasing the resistance of the nerves to the supreme degree in order to be able to endure this divine condition without harm to the body-that’s what initiation means. Initiation also entails omnipotence and omniscience.” 

This quote from the book immediately jumped out at me because I am a Kundalini Yoga Instructor and this resonates with what I was taught in teacher training…part of the reason for doing kriyas (a sequence of asanas and meditations) is to strengthen the nervous system and the glands. A strong body is more able to better conduct and send energy.

“All concentration begins with the intellectual phase. You direct your thoughts to the object of your concentration and consider what this object actually is. In this stage you are using your intellect because you want to clarify your thoughts and seek a completely satisfactory definition expressing fully and clearly the object of your concentration. As soon as you have found such a definition, your intellectual work is done, for you know now what this thing is. You don’t need to reflect on it anymore, for when you know what something is, you don’t cogitate about it anymore. Thinking is the bridge between ignorance and knowledge. When we know everything-like God- we will have no further need for thinking. God is omniscient. He Himself is knowledge, and his knowledge is as perfect as a circle. What should he think about when he knows everything! Only the person who is obliged to expand his knowledge needs to think. This work of expanding knowledge consists of thinking. 

When your knowledge concerning the object of your concentration is complete, you make the transition from thinking to feeling. This is the second phase of concentration. Your consciousness projects outwardly through your nervous system all the characteristics of the object of your concentration, impressing them on your organs of sense; so you have the sensation of experiencing them. With every nerve and every drop of your blood you feel the object of your concentration and what it is like. When you have thoroughly experienced the object of your concentration in terms of thinking and feeling, you go on to the third phase, spiritual concentration. This means that in your consciousness you become identical with the object of concentration. You are no longer thinking about it, or feeling what and how it is, you are it! We call this a state of being. In this state you don’t need to think about this thing anymore, nor to feel it, because you have become it yourself. In this condition, all your thoughts, all your feelings, all your words, all your deeds become manifestations of the object of your concentration. 

A person doesn’t think about what he is; nor does he feel it; simply because he is what he is!

He doesn’t need to speak about it; everything he thinks, says and does is the expression of what he is, the manifestation of his own being!”

Love, Love, Love! “All your deeds become manifestations of the object of your concentration” …that definitely put many things in perspective for me lol. Here is some more wisdom of Ptahhotep on the nature of duality in our world…

“You can achieve knowledge only through comparing the two sides, positive and negative, which have become separated from each other. As long as these two sides are together, resting in each other, you can’t perceive or recognize anything.

Observe the visible world. It is only recognizable because it has separated itself from the unity in which the Nothing and the Everything are still at rest within each other. In other words, it has separated itself from the absolute unity we call God. The things in the world around us are only recognizable because the positive appears separately from the negative and we can compare the two together. There can be no perception unless unity is split into two halves-one of them manifested and the other, it’s reflection and complementary half, unmanifested—so that both become recognizable through comparison!

Nothing can ever be manifested and made recognizable, unless its opposite-its complementary half-is simultaneously present unmanifested! When something positive is manifested, the negative remains unmanifested, and vice versa, When something negative is manifested, the positive is unmanifested. Whenever the one appears, its complimentary half must always be present even though in an unmanifested state. The two are bound together for all time and eternity.

And so you see the separation is really one in appearance only, because the two complementary halves, even when they are separated and have fallen out of the all-unity can never get away from each other. Inseparable divine unity therefore manifests itself always and everywhere; for even in this seeming separation, it continues to be active everywhere as the ever-present attractive force between positive and negative.”

And last but not least here are very detailed instructions on how to make a telepathic link with another…

“Establishing psychic contact with another person. You will find that you get better results with these exercises after sundown. That is because the sun’s rays have a stimulating effect on those nerve centers and glands which serve the physical manifestations of the spirit and thus tie the consciousness to the material plane. The sun’s rays have a contrary effect on spiritual manifestation. After sunset, this effect ceases, the consciousness can free itself from certain nerve centres and withdraw into a spiritual plane. Living creatures go to sleep. Going to sleep means that the consciousness withdraws from the body into the spirit. And since most people are not able consciously to reach the deeper levels of the spirit, they lose consciousness-they fall asleep. With practice one can develop the resistance of his nerves to such a degree that he can remain conscious even at the deepest level. In this way the nerve centers and brain centers which are at rest during the daytime become active, receiving and conducting the vibrations of the spirit, the self. In this way you can establish contact with someone at a distance, that is telepathic contact. It is better for a beginner to practice after sunset so that he doesn’t have the effect of the sunshine working against him. Later on one develops the ability to make a telepathic contact any time.

In this exercise, just as in every exercise in concentration, you begin by fixing your entire attention on one single thought. Concentrate your thoughts completely on the person with whom you want to establish contact, allowing your imagination to help along. With your eyes closed, you imagine the person you want to reach, seeing him with your inward eye, his body, his face, his eyes, and imagining you are he and he is you, until you actually get the feeling that his hands are your hands and your body his, until you achieve complete identity with the person you are trying to reach. When you have reached this point, think the thought you want to transmit clearly and concentratedly. Think it with intent awareness that you are the person concerned and that this person in you is thinking this thought.

This exercise has three phases: first you practice in the presence of the person whom you want to reach telepathically, and during your practice the person concerned tries to receive your thought.

Later you repeat the same exercise at a distance and at a time agreed upon in advance, with both of you knowing that the other is going to concentrate on him.

Finally you transmit a message through telepathic contact without your partner knowing in advanced. These three phases make up the positive half of telepathic exercises. In this work you are the one who wants to send a message. The negative half of the exercise consists in your developing the ability to receive and understand telepathic messages. This exercise too consists of three phases. At first you make yourself receptive and “empty” in the presence of the person from who you want to receive a message, then alone at a time agreed upon in advance such that you know who is going to concentrate on you and when. Finally you must be able to receive any telepathic message with out knowing in advance who is going to concentrate on you and when.”

As you can see this is an experience rich book that takes one on a wild journey while handing out esoteric occult knowledge. I took many more notes on this book that I may share in the future. And I definitely will check out other books written By Elizabeth Haich in the future. I leave you with my favorite quote from the book that really hit home with me as an artist. Be well space friends and stay salty! ~ the Mermaid From Space.

“Talent without diligence and diligence without talent is not art.”

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Nine Pagan Virtues


-Wisdom: good judgment, the ability to perceive people and situations correctly, deliberate about and decide on the correct response.

-Piety: correct observance of ritual and social traditions; the maintenance of agreements, both personal and societal, that we humans have with the Gods and Spirits. Keeping the Old Ways, through ceremony and duty.

-Vision: the ability to broaden one’s perspective to have a greater understanding of our place/role in the cosmos, relating to the past, present and future.

-Courage: the ability to act appropriately in the fate of adversity.

-Integrity: Honor; being true to one’s self and to others, involving oath-keeping, honesty, fairness, respect, and self confidence.

-Perseverance: Drive; the motivation to pursue goals even when that pursuit become difficult.

-Hospitality: Acting as both a gracious host and appreciative guest, involving benevolence, friendliness, humor, and the honoring of a gift for a gift.

-Moderation: Cultivating one’s appetites so that one is neither a slave to them nor driven to ill health (mental or physical) through excess or deficiency.

-Fertility: Bounty of the mind, body and spirit involving creativity and industry, an appreciation of the physical and sensual, nurturing these qualities in others.

From “Our Own Druidry” copyright 2009 Ar nDraiocht Fein